Slick Rick – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Someone please refrain me from editing his Wiki biography with this:
There was once an MC who made a cool mill, repeating lies of the game. His name was Slick Rick, and he was hip as fuck.
He played the game into a billion with flavored vodka, stem cells, and later on released a line of vodka-flavored-designer-basketball-sneakers made out of stem cells.
He bought sports teams, distribution networks of the now newly-bankrupt record industry, seats on the board of a few multi-national arms manufacturers. Eventually, he bought the space shuttle Enterprise, also being offered at a bogus price from the US government, now imploding under the weight of its own debt.
With the hand of quite a few suddenly unemployed aerospace engineers, he managed to get this explosive fucking thing into orbit.
Then he and some of them set off to depart planet Earth’s broke-ass bonds, using half of the payload to deploy secondary propulsion — and the other half for a small hydroponic weed farm.
Tango-ing with the closest asteroid worth his time, he detached the said secondary propulsion to the asteroid, and all set sail for a return to earth orbit.
Once there, he established himself as a bank in outer space, offering state-of-the-art cryptography for all Internet-based transactions (so, pretty much ALL transactions), to say nothing of the impossibility of the Gold and Titanium reserves of HIS bank being stolen. Withdrawals were effected by gold bars fitted with GPS-guided tailpieces being dropped over a customer’s backyard!
Within a week, the implosion that was the Chinese economy (still shaky of course after the spontaneous failure of the US economy a decade ago) was followed by lame ASAT’s fired from surplus F-15Es. Slick Rick and his crew flicked basketball-sized rocks from 1,000 miles up, and from then on, there were no more attempted runs on the bank.
He and his pop star wife lived happily ever after, with weakened bone structure from all that time spent in outer space.
But zero gravity permanently gave her the breasts of an eighteen-year-old, and so he did not really complain.