“So close that your hand on my chest is my hand.
     So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.”

Dear E,

I cannot sleep because I love you.

If repetition makes it seem cheaper, so be it. I just know and I want you to know that every time I tell you I love you, I am saying it for the first time. For the first time over and over again.

I love you and I can’t understand why it all comes easy.
I love you and it’s so easy.

I always thought love had to hurt to be alright, or that love had to be unrequited.
I always believed that for love to be strong and steadfast, my feelings would never have to be returned or my feelings should not matter so long as I keep giving all of myself and never taking.

But you changed all that. You loved me back.

The way you look at me, no one has ever looked at me that way before. I cannot explain it but there it is.

Thank you for teaching me not only how to love, but to allow myself to be loved in return.

You have given me the most precious gift, and I will cherish, adore, support and love you for as long as it takes, wherever the tide finds us.

I may not always know what I’m doing, but I’ll try to make things better for you, and I’ll find the courage to reach for your every dream. And when I make a mistake — because, face it, we all do — I promise I’ll ask for your help. I cannot do this alone, nor can you, but now that you’ve taken a chance on me and now that I do want to be with you always, I believe we can do great things together. We already have. GO TEAM AWESOME.

“I love you totally, tenderly, tragically.”

If quoting Godard makes it seem cheaper, so be it. I just know that when we are together again, I’ll be able to sleep soundly, with the feeling that this is all brand new.

This is all brand new to me, every single time.


P.S. Here. I wrote this months before with much brokenness, but now I feel parts of my self becoming whole and I feel joy. This small piece of writing needs a face, a body, a soul. It had to be you. It’s you, E, it’s YOU.


About Klassy

How Klassy got her groove back.

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